I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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