Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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