will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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