It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
