youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
