I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
