i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
