I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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