We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
