oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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