I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
