so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
