this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
