Even the bartender felt bad for me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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