All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
