At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
