is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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