Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
