no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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