We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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