While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
