I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm always down for nudity.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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