I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
