Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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