i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
