Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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