this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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