my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wear drunk well.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
