Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
