he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
