i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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