genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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