Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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