mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
