y did u give ur computer a hand job?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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