I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
