You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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