when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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