And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
