when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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