May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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