He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
