what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
