I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
