We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
