There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
