Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
