just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
