peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your penis caused this!
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