Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's official drugs can't kill me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
