Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
