I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
