i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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