Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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