When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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