i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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