I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
