this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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