you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
