i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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