she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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