Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
