dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
