So drunk, too bad you don't want this
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
