haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize